Battle
Monday, August 21, 2006
So I am on the phone with Shari and get a call waiting beep. I switch over. It's my Aunt, we chat briefly as I tell her my Grandparents aren't home. I switch back to Shari and while I would normally say something derogatory like "ok whore I am back" but for some reason this time I didn't. I stayed silent. She was humming the Battle Hymn of the Republic! I said "were you humming the BHotR?" Now here is where she should have said "Why yes my darling Jacquee I was!" but NO she had the balls to try and deny it. She said No
She said No.
:Posted By: Jacqueline Mardelle On: Monday, August 21, 2006:
A Working Relationship. Tuesday, July 18, 2006
1 Comments:
8/21/2006 07:14:00 PM 
Shari said...
A conversation between a co-worker and myself. I am in the green
"Hey! Quit sawing at my building!"
"What?!!?"
"I wasn't talking to you I was talking to the guy fixing the airconditioner"
"I know that but what did you say?"
"I told him to quit sawing at my building. What did you think I said?"
"Nothing I just heard you wrong."
"NO! What did you think I said?"
"Spread some peanut butter on my dingaling."
"Woman, you have issues... get your mind out of the sewer. You just surpassed gutter status"
:Posted By: Jacqueline Mardelle On: Tuesday, July 18, 2006:
I am alive. Tuesday, June 20, 2006
10 Comments:
7/18/2006 08:34:00 PM Shari said...
7/18/2006 08:36:00 PM word. said...
7/18/2006 08:37:00 PM Shari said...
7/18/2006 08:39:00 PM word. said...
7/18/2006 08:39:00 PM word. said...
7/18/2006 08:42:00 PM Shari said...
7/18/2006 08:43:00 PM word. said...
7/18/2006 09:09:00 PM Brent said...
7/18/2006 09:17:00 PM word. said...
7/19/2006 07:56:00 PM Shari said...
That is all...
:Posted By: Jacqueline Mardelle On: Tuesday, June 20, 2006:
Dear Shari, Tuesday, March 14, 2006
3 Comments:
6/21/2006 02:23:00 PM Brent said...
6/22/2006 07:22:00 PM 
said...
6/22/2006 11:03:00 PM word. said...
Shut up hooker... I will update when I am damn well good and ready.
With lots of love and kisses as I run with lambs in a meadow with a flouncy skirt on.
You are a shithead.
:Posted By: Jacqueline Mardelle On: Tuesday, March 14, 2006:
Damn!! Tuesday, February 14, 2006
3 Comments:
3/14/2006 11:50:00 PM Shari said...
3/14/2006 11:50:00 PM Shari said...
3/15/2006 11:48:00 PM Shari said...
Look what I started with the Johari thing.
I am just the coolest, like, EVER!
Ok well maybe not but, I am over it I guess.
:Posted By: Jacqueline Mardelle On: Tuesday, February 14, 2006: Monday, February 13, 2006
2 Comments:
2/23/2006 11:01:00 PM Shari said...
3/14/2006 01:05:00 AM Shari said...
Ok lots-o-drama went down last week.
Short version: the job that I had I no longer have but I now have another one. So, all is well in the house of Jacquee.
On to other things... Help me get to know me :o) Click here.
Toodles.
:Posted By: Jacqueline Mardelle On: Monday, February 13, 2006: Wednesday, January 25, 2006
4 Comments:
2/14/2006 11:19:00 AM Linds said...
2/14/2006 12:14:00 PM Shari said...
2/14/2006 12:31:00 PM Shari said...
2/14/2006 01:35:00 PM Linds said...
I got a job!!!
I am K-Fed's personal popozao. So basically I spritz him with water every so often.
no but seriously I did get a job!! More details later.
Toodles.
:Posted By: Jacqueline Mardelle On: Wednesday, January 25, 2006:
Made me laugh. Thursday, January 19, 2006
3 Comments:
1/26/2006 06:13:00 PM Linds said...
1/26/2006 08:50:00 PM word. said...
2/06/2006 10:26:00 AM said...
Dear Alcohol,
First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around at the holidays, hidden inside chocolates, as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led some unwise consequences:
1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?
2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.
3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.
4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover imobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.
Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.
Thank you,
Your biggest fan
P.S. THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.
:Posted By: Jacqueline Mardelle On: Thursday, January 19, 2006:
Musically Jacquee Tuesday, January 17, 2006
2 Comments:
1/20/2006 03:41:00 PM Mary said...
1/22/2006 09:55:00 PM Shari said...
Choose one of your favorite bands/artist: John Mayer (even though he makes really strange faces when he sings. But if that is what it takes for him to sing like that I will take it)
Answer all the questions using SONG TITLES from the BAND or ARTIST
1. Are you male or female? Who Did You Think I Was
2. Describe yourself: Everything Is Not Broken
3. How do some people feel about you? Out Of My Mind
4. How do you feel about yourself? Not Myself
5. Describe current relationship with BF/GF: Love Soon
6. Describe where you want to be: In Your Atmosphere
7. Describe how you live: Comfortable
8. Describe how you love: Over and Over
9. What would you ask for if you had just one wish? Quiet
10. Share a few words of wisdom: This Will All Make Perfect Sense Someday
11. Now say goodbye: Sucker
:Posted By: Jacqueline Mardelle On: Tuesday, January 17, 2006:
Linds, you need to come to Cali. According to this we are soulmates or something.
0 Comments:
You Are A Blueberry Martini
You are a eclectic drink - liking to change drinks and venues often.
You are usually the first of your friends to find a cool new dive bar or cocktail.
You should never: Drink mystery drinks strangers hand you. Unless you want to wind up in foreign country.
Your ideal party: Is mobile, hopping from party to party.
Your drinking soulmates: Those with an Orange Martini personality.
Your drinking rivals: Those with a Chocolate Martini personality.
:Posted By: Jacqueline Mardelle On: Tuesday, January 17, 2006:
3 Comments:
1/17/2006 08:08:00 PM Shari said...
1/17/2006 10:59:00 PM Linds said...
1/17/2006 11:24:00 PM word. said...
{Brent}
"The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over."
{Hunter S. Thompson}
"...an ocean tumbled by with a private boat for me and i sailed off through the night and day and in and out of weeks and almost over a year to where the wild things are."
{Where The Wild Things Are -- Maurice Sendak}
"I think I'll be a clown when I get grown," said Dill. "Yes, sir, a clown.... There ain't one thing in this world I can do about folks except laugh, so I'm gonna join the circus and laugh my head off." "You got it backwards, Dill," said Jem. "Clowns are sad, it's folks that laugh at them." "Well, I'm gonna be a new kind of clown. I'm gonna stand in the middle of the ring and laugh at the folks."
{To Kill A Mockingbird -- Harper Lee}
"There are always two people in every picture: the photographer and the viewer."
{Ansel Adams}
"They're certainly entitled to think that, and they're entitled to full respect for their opinions... but before I can live with other folks I've got to live with myself. The one thing that doesn't abide by majority rule is a person's conscience."
{Atticus -- To Kill A Mockingbird -- Harper Lee}
"There are no rules for good photographs, there are only good photographs."
{Ansel Adams}
"A stiff apology is a second insult.... The injured party does not want to be compensated because he has been wronged; he wants to be healed because he has been hurt."
{G.K. Chesterton}
"...but I don't think I give an elf's butt about that."
{Mary}
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